System of Rewards

This week I became aware of how warped my sense of rewards is when it comes to eating/exercising/drinking.  I know that my trainer Cathy had alluded to this in our first meeting earlier this year, but I dismissed it.  She said that she didn’t understand people who ate well and exercised all day and then pigged out on pizza or some other calorie laden food at night.  I shrugged off her comment, knowing it was me and not wanting to admit it.

I was forced to admit it to Mr. Phat one night this week.  I had come from a training session and we had a change of plans and nothing left out for dinner, so we decided to go to the small thai restaurant nearby.  It’s a BYOB, and in my mind I weighed whether to bring some wine.  I thought, well, it’s only Tuesday and Mr. Phat won’t drink any and either I drink the whole bottle or leave half of it there.  I didn’t want to consume a whole bottle and HATE to leave half of it behind, so I decided I’d be fine with water.  But I did wrestle with my decision.

We got there and Mr. Phat mentioned that he forgot it was a BYOB and he was sorry. I told him I knew, but decided not to imbibe that night “even though I could because I had exercised that afternoon.”  WRONG.  Way WRONG.  That warped sense of entitlement is what got me to this PHAT status.  “I deserve it.” or “I worked hard, I had a stressful day, I worked out today.” even   “I’m working out tomorrow.” or  “I haven’t had this in a long time.”

We all know it. The warped system of rewards.  The Big Fat Rationalization.  I believe I am the Queen of Rationalization.  And Mr. Phat looked at me weird when I said I deserved wine for working out and said that in fact, if I was trying to be healthy and had a great workout that day, why ruin it by indulging in wine.  It made sense.  Actually I knew it was the proper way to think – just as Cathy’s suggestion had been the proper way to think.

Paradigm shift needed.  New rewards system needs to be programmed into my brain.


4 thoughts on “System of Rewards

  1. BUT HOW??? … and I do mean how after a lifetime of eating what you want, when you want, does one go about doing a Paradigm shift? The hell if I know! I read somewhere that it takes around 21 days of consistent effort to start and internalize a new habit into one’s daily routine. However, I don’t buy that because I can do good for a month or two and go right back to the same old eating habits. I believe it takes forever to break a habit with permanent abstinence as the key to weight loss success, which is something I can’t seem to do! Ⓕ ⓐ ⓣ Ⓖ ⓘ ⓡ ⓛ Ⓤ Ⓢ Ⓐ

    • Who knows make permanent change? I’m not.even sure what motivates me anymore. I want to magically be thin. Without effort or sacrifice. i must not want it enough to tell myself No. I’m sick of starting good eating habits every Monday to only have it blow up before the week is out. Its been bothering me to the point of stress for.awhile now. I’m tired of pretending I like myself this way! The harder I try, the fatter I feel.

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