This week I became aware of how warped my sense of rewards is when it comes to eating/exercising/drinking. I know that my trainer Cathy had alluded to this in our first meeting earlier this year, but I dismissed it. She said that she didn’t understand people who ate well and exercised all day and then pigged out on pizza or some other calorie laden food at night. I shrugged off her comment, knowing it was me and not wanting to admit it.
I was forced to admit it to Mr. Phat one night this week. I had come from a training session and we had a change of plans and nothing left out for dinner, so we decided to go to the small thai restaurant nearby. It’s a BYOB, and in my mind I weighed whether to bring some wine. I thought, well, it’s only Tuesday and Mr. Phat won’t drink any and either I drink the whole bottle or leave half of it there. I didn’t want to consume a whole bottle and HATE to leave half of it behind, so I decided I’d be fine with water. But I did wrestle with my decision.
We got there and Mr. Phat mentioned that he forgot it was a BYOB and he was sorry. I told him I knew, but decided not to imbibe that night “even though I could because I had exercised that afternoon.” WRONG. Way WRONG. That warped sense of entitlement is what got me to this PHAT status. “I deserve it.” or “I worked hard, I had a stressful day, I worked out today.” even “I’m working out tomorrow.” or “I haven’t had this in a long time.”
We all know it. The warped system of rewards. The Big Fat Rationalization. I believe I am the Queen of Rationalization. And Mr. Phat looked at me weird when I said I deserved wine for working out and said that in fact, if I was trying to be healthy and had a great workout that day, why ruin it by indulging in wine. It made sense. Actually I knew it was the proper way to think – just as Cathy’s suggestion had been the proper way to think.
Paradigm shift needed. New rewards system needs to be programmed into my brain.